I want a cookie. When I first started this blog I never intended this to turn into a food journal, however, this could be what it becomes.

I was watching a marathon of Drop Dead Diva from my DVR and in one of the episodes Greyson brings Jane some snicker-doodle cookies. Ever since then... I can't stop thinking how great a sugar cookie would be. Not just any sugar cookie either. One with a semi crispy edge and a gooey almost not fully baked center. Only a food addict can describe the perfect cookie.

My fight with food has only just begun and I'm not entirely sure where to really start. What do I cut out first? Do I cut anything out? I'm still waiting for the book Women Food and God to come in the mail and I don't want to use the fact I haven't read the book that I can't really start.

Sunday I spent the day with my extended family which included my Aunt, Uncle, cousin, and grandma. I knew my grandmother had read my blog, but was unaware that anyone else had. Desert time came upon us and my mom made brownies. My uncle, brother, cousin and myself were downstairs playing Wii bowling and I ran upstairs to get us all one. I put them on the plate and brought them downstairs. It wasn't until just now I know what my family was doing. None of them touched the plate. Each of them said something like "oh we don't need those" and then my uncle promptly brought them back upstairs. I don't know whether to be embarrassed or thankful that they didn't let me eat them. I don't even like chocolate, but it was dessert, so I thought to eat them.

My cousin wants me to start dancing with her. I love to dance. I always have. I have one hangup. My schedule. Will I have time? Or am I just making up another list of excuses of why I can't do something?

I don't ever remember telling myself I can't do something. This is a new thing. I was always the person to ask why someone thought I COULDN'T do it.

Today I played softball with my brother and cousin. I had a lot of fun. About an hour into playing everything hurt, especially my knees. I'm STILL in pain. I'm so embarrassed that I couldn't keep up for the whole hour and a half. I keep thinking "How could I have done this to myself?" I used to play softball and soccer. I used to dance. I used to run up and down my street in Connecticut. I could keep up.

I am a work in progress. If I can get myself to thinking I CAN do this, I'm sure I can. Hell, I KNOW I can. The first step to take is to know it's a long road.